Blog

Butchie Suffers Existential Crisis!

guinea pig the scream

Butchie Suffers Existential Crisis!

It is with great concern that we report on Butchie's massive existential crisis. “While it is not uncommon for a guinea pig to question his or her existence, it is uncommon for a guinea pig not to eat for more than an hour,” explained Kierpigaard, renowned existentialist philosopher and close personal friend to Butchie.

Queen Pigtoria Day Celebration!

Two royal guinea pigs

Queen Pigtoria Day Celebration!

 

The Glebe is buzzing with preparations for Queen Pigtoria's birthday. “Guinea pigs and monarchy are like bread and butter! Destined to be together!” explains Master Bubbles, chief coordinator for Parties 'n Pigs R Us, and graduate from the esteemed British Butler Institute. “The guinea pigs' roots in British history run very deep, very deep, indeed!” adds Master Bubbles.

New OPP Constable Embroiled in Controversy!

 

The Organic Parsley Police (OPP) find themselves in hot water after bringing on a new pig to uphold their mandate to maximize the availability of organic parsley in the community. Allegations against Constable Butchie include that he's been eating the parsley shipments he is assigned to inspect and then falsely claiming he was robbed by raccoons.

Erling's Variety Hires Zeus as Visiting Veggie Chef!

 

I love him. There. I finally said it. I just love Zeus. His fur. His fat. His wit. His infinite appetite and power of creativity in the kitchen...I just want to be with him – always,” admitted Liam Vainola, owner of Erling's Variety on Strathcona Avenue.

President Rump to bill Hintonburg for Glebe wall!?!

Zeus and President Rump

Newly elected Glebe guinea pig president Ronald Rump is seeking to make good on his controversial campaign promise to build a wall between the Glebe and Hintonburg.  However, questions around costs, as well as conflict of interest, continue to plague the pig.

“Rump has shares in both the Parkdale Farmers Market and the Lansdowne Market,” explains the Quadruped Ethics Commissioner, Puffy.  “He'll be eating veggies from both markets!  Investments in both neighbourhoods is a conflict of interest!”

Guinea Pigs Prep for Lansdowne Pumpkin Derby

“Last year we were unfairly disqualified,” complained Hans, a senior pumpkin auto engineer at GiddyPigs.com. “It's a conspiracy against us! We read all 18 rules and nowhere does it state that you cannot ride in the pumpkin during the race. Who has a race with no drivers!?! It's not our fault the fat, furless bipeds cannot fit in their pumpkin vehicles!” sputtered Hans. “The age categories are also grossly unfair – we have to race with 14-year-olds, but we only live 5 to 8 years!! And I won't even mention the fact that we also have no thumbs!”

Consumers Choice: gcCafé or gpCafé?!?

GD Cafe

Others are much more skeptical, arguing that GiddyPigs.co is desperate and hopes to capitalize on the popular gcCafé to boost falling profits. Indeed, stocks plummeted last month after it was leaked that the conglomerate had been exploiting its grass-cutting permit and might lose it. The permit allows unlimited access to park, field, and lawn grass at $0.01 per metric tonne. It has been suggested GiddyPigs.com has too long enjoyed a monopoly on grass products, including the popular Giddy Grass Snacks, Grass-to-Go, and Greener Grass Table Wine.

Zeus Invades China

Zeus invades China

Zeus plans to invade China with his new clothing line, "Animal Revolution".
Zeus has just finished designing the first t-shirt in his new clothing line entitled, "Animal Revolution". He has set his eyes on Asia as an exciting new market for Club Zeus.

"Asians love guinea pigs - as any intelligent human being does," said Zeus in an exclusive interview. "I see them as a big market for us and I feel my new line, 'Animal Revolution' will fit right in."