President Rump to bill Hintonburg for Glebe wall!?!

Newly elected Glebe guinea pig president Ronald Rump is seeking to make good on his controversial campaign promise to build a wall between the Glebe and Hintonburg.  However, questions around costs, as well as conflict of interest, continue to plague the pig.

Zeus and President Rump

Newly elected Glebe guinea pig president Ronald Rump is seeking to make good on his controversial campaign promise to build a wall between the Glebe and Hintonburg.  However, questions around costs, as well as conflict of interest, continue to plague the pig.

“Rump has shares in both the Parkdale Farmers Market and the Lansdowne Market,” explains the Quadruped Ethics Commissioner, Puffy.  “He'll be eating veggies from both markets!  Investments in both neighbourhoods is a conflict of interest!”

Confusingly, Wellingtonians are meanwhile debating the very existence of Hintonburg, claiming it to be the creation of a few disgruntled artsy residents who felt left out when Westboro became cool.  Launching the Hintonburg Institute of Pigs (HIP) to represent their cause, the HIPsters have countered the Wellingtonians by formally denying neighbourhood status to both West Wellington and Westboro.

Some find the debate ludicrous.  “They're both originally part of Wellington Ward! And Capital Ward, where the Glebe is located, was also originally part of Wellington Ward.  And in my view, it's all really just Kitschipiggy, the Algonquin river!” laughs Nog, an indigenous chipmunk and popular barista.  

Construction of the wall began last week, however, most pigs found it too cold out and have moved into Morala Cafe for hot parsleynogs and cuddles.  Of those who did brave the cold, there was significant difficulty deciphering the Lego instructions, leading to frustration, fights, and finally, a walk-out.

Equally disconcerting is the lack of rationale for the wall. As Roam Vronsky, local political pundit pigeon, notes in his latest blog, “There is in fact no shared border between the Glebe and Hintonburg.  The Glebe Annex is to the south-west, Little Italy is to the west, and Centretown and Chinatown are to North.  Perhaps Rump has confused the Glebe with Mechanicsville?”

For Zeus' latest column in Glebe Report, please visit: Gr feb 2017 web