The Organic Parsley Police (OPP) find themselves in hot water after bringing on a new pig to uphold their mandate to maximize the availability of organic parsley in the community.
The Organic Parsley Police (OPP) find themselves in hot water after bringing on a new pig to uphold their mandate to maximize the availability of organic parsley in the community. Allegations against Constable Butchie include that he's been eating the parsley shipments he is assigned to inspect and then falsely claiming he was robbed by raccoons.
“The OPP takes the personal consumption of parsley while on duty very seriously,” explained OPP Chief Nougat, the well-respected indigenous chipmunk who moonlights as a barista. “As soon as these allegations arose, we moved Constable Butchie to broccoli inspection, where there is minimal temptation to overindulge due to its bloating effect. The OPP is committed to investigating these allegations! A meeting will be held at the new Ichiban Bakery this Saturday to develop options.”
Roam Vronsky, political pundit pigeon, argues the OPP's problem is much graver and systemic: “Who polices the police? This is ridiculous! What we need is a completely neutral body with no vested interest in vegetation to oversee the whole system. A carnivore, perhaps a dog.”
Vronsky's inflammatory statements created outrage among the rodent community, who have long been oppressed by carnivores and treated like second-class citizens. “Dogs are evil!” squealed Fluffy, a well-loved guinea pig from Fifth Avenue. “Even when on a leash they are endlessly plotting to eat us!!”
The recent debate about carnivores seems to have benefited Butchie, however, whose popularity has soared since the scandal, especially among young piglets. “I hope I can be as fat as Butchie one day! He's rad!” gushed Picco, a piglet attending First Avenue School who is majoring in leisure studies.
Corporations have also wasted no time capitalizing on Butchie's rising popularity. GiddyPigs.com is now selling signed photographs of Butchie for $5, all profits going to Zeus.
Read this article in the Glebe Report.