guinea pig

Zeus ditched on Valentine’s Day!

An anonymous source, Valmont, has provided the Glebe Report with several disturbing break-up letters to Zeus citing selfishness, food addiction, and general laziness as deal-breakers. It appears that after last month’s publication of his controversial Me-First (MF)TM theory in Psychology Tomorrow, Zeus’ paramours decided to kick him to the curb once and for all.

Below are several letters that have now gone bacterial on FootBook:

As a Registered Couples Counselor, and the founder of the World Institute of Narcissism (WIN), Zeus is often called upon to assist couples through rough times.

“Bipeds wrongly believe that quadrupeds don’t have relationship problems, that somehow they are immune. That view couldn’t be further from the truth,” explains Zeus. 

This claim is supported by the National Hutchhold Survey (NHS), which reported that 72% of quadruped relationships end in resentment. 

But help is available. 

While Butchie was camping last month, photos of Bella, vice-president and Chief Financial Officer, surfaced allegedly confirming that GiddyPigs.com was sold to an unnamed eastern block country for a carrot. What ensued was a twitter and instagram war between the two GiddyPigs staffers. Enraged, Butchie tweeted, “Back room deal! #traitor” to which Bella coolly responded, “Butchie has never worked at GiddyPigs.com nor does he have any association, formal or informal, with the company, the CEO Zeus, or myself. #Liar.”

Butchie Seeks Nature Cure for Urban Angst

Many who were concerned for Butchie after his existential crisis last month are hoping that a Labour Day weekend camping trip will provide the tranquility he needs to recharge.

Butchie Suffers Existential Crisis!

It is with great concern that we report on Butchie's massive existential crisis. “While it is not uncommon for a guinea pig to question his or her existence, it is uncommon for a guinea pig not to eat for more than an hour,” explained Kierpigaard, renowned existentialist philosopher and close personal friend to Butchie.